Jokes - you know the snigger kind.

OK - I'm not one for jokes - especially spam jokes - but well, I needed a chuckle this morning and well, my deficiant humour was provided with a light chuckle:


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with
mens balls.

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
ave you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking:
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Lots of new

This week is a time of newness - a new kitchen after two weeks of take aways and BBQ's we get to cook in our practically finished kitchen when the electrician finishes shortly.

And Jack starts in a new school next week - St John Vianneys - things and we were just not settling with his school and Jack seems happy enough about the move. They have a blue uniform for one, his favourite colour and its still fairly big, with lovely views of the bay, but it is just more school like, not a breeding ground for feral children.

Jack has made lots of friends and we will keep in touch with them and he will just make more friends in his new school. And with his birthday party coming up its only a week before he will see the gang again.

Jim is soon to turn 38 and Jack 6 and my aunt B is going to be here for the weekend of the birthday boys, all the way from Cork. She was here last year when we had literally only just moved in, so it will be good to see her again now that we at least know where things are.

So lots of excitement over here, all positive, all go and all together.

It's no April fool

Autumn has arrived in Brisbane and much as those of you in England may scoff but it is noticably cooler - at night time it is down to 15 degrees and it is only 24-25 during the day.

Yes, I can feel your wrath but we have been acclimatised and those 3-4 degrees warmer that we have for 9 months of the year do make a difference.

So feel free to laugh at us in July when we are back in the UK wearing thick jumpers. But then again if it is like last years summer it might not be too laughable.